Saturday, August 1, 2015

Just Eat It!

I was talking with a friend today: she's found a possible new love interest. You know those times, when you want to talk to the person nonstop and you spend your work days tired -from the long, late night calls - but you're filled with the thoughts of that new person and the lack of sleep seems like nothing: you'd easily take another three hour chat. It's the stomach full of butterflies and the blissful day dreaming. If this was Bambi, it'd be called twitterpated - you ladies know what I'm talking about.

Though there was plenty of giddiness to be shared, there was also talk of the sexual nature...what? We're only human. Dirty. Naughty. Horny. Perverted humans. There is plenty I could share but you don't get the dirty details this time. No, instead I'd like to talk about a very important subject. There's no room for joking here ladies: this one is serious!

Any Mom or woman - for that matter - on the dating scene or re-entering the dating scene - who actually wants to be successful - knows that you're pretty much required to follow a bit of grooming standards. That's right ladies, I'm talking about shaving! New romances mean keeping the hair in line. Being bare has become the acceptable standards.

   Sure you can venture

or maybe a 

But in general, the bush is not accepted! Natural has been out for quite some time now. Men complained - we shaved.

Well I'm going to tell yall like I told my friend: What are men doing for you? They're not expected to shave for us. We've all blown those guys, we've all experienced plenty of the same mouth-meet-hair issues. Yeah, I've picked them out of my teeth too but you don't see me bitching about it.

Image Credit to pixabay

 Have you ever given oral to someone who has recently shaved? It's like sandpaper to the face, it's not hot - unless by hot, you mean the friction it creates when those two recently shaved people screw, then yeah, you're right, it's real hot!

Pixabay Image
If the prickly hairs of five o'clock pubic hell doesn't turn you off then how about the itch! That's right, how attractive is it to watch your partner scratch like they have a mad infestation of crabs? Not, that's how much.

It won't be fun to watch and it sucks giant donkey balls to go through it. You could run the razor over again but if you didn't get razor burn to begin with, you'll likely win the "jackpot" on the touch up. Oh fun, the itch of new hair growth and the pain of all those little bumps...yeah that's real sexy! Said no one, ever!
Pixabay Image

That's why I'm here to say that the bush is back bitches! It's not the 70's but I'm personally tired of all the landscaping work - like I can find ten minutes alone in the shower anyhow. No mom's got time for a thirty minute escapade of trying to not cut one's naughty bits off - especially when the kids sit beating on the door and you’re balancing on the edge of the tub, all while shouting out directions. "stop hitting your sister" "just give me a minute" "use the other bathroom" "dinners later and you just ate lunch" finally you say fuck this and throw the razor down - you'll go half shaved and call it the new rage.

Pixabay Image

     Enough is enough!

That's why I say it's time for a boycott - we need to bring the love of bush back, for all of our sanity. Now I'm not saying you should go full chewbacca on your partner but let’s get in touch with our natural side - it's far less maintenance. Trim it up. Shape it. Run a razor over the bikini zone and call it good. As for the hair to mouth problem - I say just eat it (or suck it) and "man" the fuck up. So what? You may have to pick a few out your teeth every now and then but dentist agree that flossing is good for you. ;)

Embrace the bush: it's coming back.

(This has been a humor post for my bestest-pain-in-the-ass friends! I hate that life has sucked so much for you lately and I'm glad it is turning around. Hope your new love interest works out beautifully and that he embraces the bush too. Hahaha)

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