Thursday, June 13, 2013
Part 3: Life Goes On. (Falling into the Routine.)
(This is a series: Catch up with part 1: A Wife's Good-bye & part 2: Moms Dead, Now What?)
It's another day, and yes, I'm still gone. My body has been laid to rest by now and the world around you is buzzing with life, as if nothing has happened. I envision that you might be feeling the need to hide away and mourn. To stop living for a bit and cut your strings with the world. This may all feel like a nightmare right now and I know you don't want to but you must get up! Shower, make breakfast and keep going for our kids. There are three babies that need you, they need structure and they need routine. More now then ever before.
For awhile, mornings will be your worst enemy. You'll wake to find my side of the bed empty and remember I'm gone. Your first thoughts are likely to be miserable, these thoughts want you to stay in bed and wallow in your agonizing loss. This is unacceptable, I know it will be hard because I normally do the positive thinking for us. You jump start to the negative and often have a hard time seeing the positive side of any thing. This is twice as worse when you're in a bad mood. I won't be there to throw in the sunny facts and brighten up your day. There's no more time for focusing on the bad, you must be stronger then all that now. You must be positive for the kids and you must GET UP.....you MUST keep moving.
Our children need you, they need your love, support and a POSITIVE outlook. Try to think of a happy memory when you first wake, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep on truckin'. I understand that this is all easier said then done but I know you can do it. You're strong, stubborn and a wonderful father. You've got this, everything will be alright in the end.
Since none of this is simple, I'll help get you started in your new life as a single father of three. We both know it takes money to live, that means you'll need to go back to work. Unless I died in a way that made you rich, it's back to work for you go mister. That means....finding a sitter. A nightmare in itself, nothing we'd ever do if I were alive.
Lets just say in this case, it would be better if you could find a decent family member or a close friend but I'm not counting on that happening. Short of my fathers side, I don't think there are to many decent people in the family.....who could watch them, that is. With that in mind, here's what you'll need to do.
1. Place an ad, contact an agency or even ask other parents in the area. They may think you're a bit crazy at first but I'm sure if you explain, they'll be more then happy to give you a few decent recommendations.
2. Interview, interview and do it a little more. I'm not asking you to take a month or anything, I just don't want you to settle for the first pretty woman with nice boobs. Give our kids sitter a bit more thought then that. Ok? Deal? Awesome! :) love, yea.
3. Be sure they will feed our children healthy. They don't have to be super health food nuts. I just don't want them filling the kids with junk or feeding them all day just to keep them "busy". She needs to be smart and able to teach the kids school related material, as well as right from wrong and all those daily lessons in-between. Last but not least, she needs to be creative. Able to play and encourage the kids imaginations.
4. Let her have a trial run with the kids. This is where you will watch her interact with them and see if the kids like her. If all goes well and they seem comfortable, then you have yourself a sitter.
I beg that you don't let that person make my children weak, lazy, fat or miserable. Sure, if I were alive we'd never have a sitter. It's not something we choose to do but now, unfortunately, it's necessary. You have to work, someone has to watch the kids and the world has to keep turning. There are no other options, time to suck it up babe.
After finding a sitter, you feel you can trust. It will be time to get back to work and it'll be harder then it every was before. All the changes are going to start hitting at once. Every time the house is in chaos, you may find yourself looking to me for help. As if for a moment, you had forgotten I was gone. Then it will feel as if the world has come crashing down on you all over again. Take a deep breath, brush your shoulders off and keep moving.
The urge to explode in rage or break-down and loose your mind will likely be overwhelming. Frustration is one of your biggest "anger triggers" <-- keep that in mind. Count to ten, snap yourself with a rubber band, escape for a smoke....just don't strangle the kids. :) ok? Deal? Awesome! Love yea!
Once you have the sitter in line, taken these helpful details into consideration and it's time to return to work. You'll be needed to put a routine together and into full swing. I normally handle....well, everything. Being the awesome wife I am, I know you have no idea where to start. You are also likely to end up choosing the hardest way to do things and making life a bit harder....pretty sure that's just a guy thing..haha. With all this in mind, I decided I'd give you a hand and provide a general routine you can easily adjust, follow and USE. Did you get that? USE the Routine!!
*You should also write this on the dry erase board, just until you have the flow of things.*
* 6:45 A.M. - beep, beep, beep babe. It's time to rise and shine or you'll never make it to work on time. Today, you just might hate me a little. Your life has been tossed into a giant jumble and now you have to return to life, as if all was normal. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone but I guess it's like we always say... "Shit happens." I love you, this is where you pull yourself up by the boot straps now. :)
* 7:00 A.M.- Breakfast needs to be cooking, toasting, warming up or getting poured into a bowl. By 7:15 to 7:20 breakfast should be on the table. This is when you'll run off to wake the kids and get them set up at the table. Seeing as how your cooking skills are....lacking. I'm just going to ask that you don't fill them with pop tarts, crap cereal, or to much bacon. I know, there's no such thing as to much bacon but really, I'd like no heart attacks if we can avoid it.
If you can't find something healthy, that you can cook....then go for the fruit!
*7:30- 8:00 A.M. - Is your time to escape to the shower while the kids eat and maybe even play a few minutes. After your shower, DO NOT get dressed for work. One of the kids will only end up getting something on your uniform and frustrating you for the morning. That will then send everything else downhill and your morning will feel like nothing but a wreck. Trust me, I know.
*8:10 - 8:45 A.M. - You'll need to get the kids cleaned up, teeth brushed, dressed and be sure the babies bag is packed. Plenty of diapers, wipes and a change of clothes for each child. By 8:45 shoes should be on and Kayla should be going potty before you leave. The same goes for Jr since he is potty training. You forgot all about that didn't you? Try to stay on top of this, we don't want a kindergarten, diaper baby.
9:00 A.M - Load the kids up and head off to the sitters. Not sure why but I feel this will take about 30 minutes. That gives you just enough time to get to work 15 minutes early. I know how much you hate to be late and always give yourself a 15 minute cushion.
9:30 A.M - 7:30 P.M.- The kids will be with the sitter and you'll work. Try to think of this time as a "break" because you won't get peace from the kids any other time, enjoy it now.
8:00 P.M - 9:00 P.M - You will cook and serve dinner....hopefully by 9. Sorry to say it but you're going to have to learn how to cook more than eggs and Mac&cheese. You're also going to have to get use to veggies because the kids can't eat junk forever. Lets not fill them with happy meals and Cheetos, please??
9:20 P.M - 10:00 P.M - Is bath time, book time and bedtime.
10:30 P.M - Here is where you get a chance to clean up from the night and set things in order for tomorrow, so you can get up and do it all over again. *i bet $100 you just said Woohoo in the most sarcastic way. :) you know I'm right.*
As for the weekends, they will vary a bit because you will have the kids full time. You'll have to deal with arguments, feed them 3 meals and make up for the time you lost with them durning the week. Don't be afraid to play and show your fun side. They'll need to see a lot of the fun, kid like, dad. Build obstacle courses, race cars, dance, have a tea party....build a fort. Just get in touch with your inner child (ok, maybe not your inner child but a normal persons inner child. Haha.) and interact with our children. Take them on trips to camp and fish, do all the things we wanted to do but I never got a chance at. Keep building memories and strengthening our family, hold each other close and be sure to show them love. Smile every once in a while and let them know how happy you are to have them in your life.....never forget to smile! Show our babies what joy they bring to you, because we only get one shot, one life.
Later on the routine will change a bit more when Kayla starts school full time. You'll have to wake earlier, add packing lunch to your list, add dropping her off at school and doing homework at night. There will be plenty of nights where you are lucky to make it to bed by midnight but just keep pushing on. You'll have to work with the schedule and before long you'll have all this down, it'll just be second nature. You might not think you can but I know you can. One day, when you look back at all the hard work (probably looking twice your age from the wear and tear.) you'll be so proud of yourself for making it through and being there for our babies. More important then that, our children will be proud of you and so thankful for you being there and filling both our shoes, the best you possibly could. Wherever it is that I am, i'll be smiling down and saying I told you so, cause I'm just awesome like that. Haha :)